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JERRY FALWELL
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you
people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken
was going to the "other side." That's what
"they" call it the "other side." Yes, my
friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken,
you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until
we sort out this abomination that the liberal media
whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the
other side." That chicken should not be free to cross the
road. It's as plain and simple as that.
PAT BUCHANAN
To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
DR SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've
not been told!
ERNEST
HEMINGWAY
To die. In the rain.
MARTIN LUTHER
KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross
roads without having their motives called into question.
GRANDPA
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that
was good enough for us.
ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
KARL MARX
It was a historical inevitability.
SADDAM
HUSSAIN
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite
justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
KEN STARR
I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at the
behest of the president of the United States of America in an
effort to distract law enforcement officials and the American
public from the criminal wrongdoing our highest elected
official has been trying to cover up. As a result, the chicken
is just another pawn in the president's ongoing and elaborate
scheme to obstruct justice and undermine the rule of law. For
that reason, my staff intends to offer the chicken
unconditional immunity provided he cooperates fully with our
investigation. Furthermore, the chicken will not be permitted
to reach the other side of the road until our investigation
and any Congressional follow-up investigations have been
completed. (We also are investigating whether Sid Blumenthal
has leaked information to the Rev. Jerry Falwell, alleging the
chicken to be homosexual in an effort to discredit any useful
testimony the bird may have to offer, or at least to ruffle
his feathers.)
CAPTAIN JAMES
T. KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
FOX MULDER
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more
chickens have to cross before you believe it?
FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken
crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES
I have just released eChicken 98, which will not only cross
roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and
balance your checkbook-and Internet Explorer is an
inextricable part of eChicken.
EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move
beneath the chicken?
BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean
by chicken? Could you define chicken please?
LOUIS
FARRAKHAN
The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken
crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and
keep him down.
THE BIBLE
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the
chicken,"Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken
crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
COLONEL
SANDERS
I missed one?
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